ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
