he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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