i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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