And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
