New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize