well you can't waste a boner
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
