ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
