I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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