I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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