Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
