I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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