Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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