How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
