he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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