# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
