Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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