I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
