maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
