So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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