yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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