take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
