When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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