i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
