16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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