Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
