the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
