the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
