Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
