it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
