she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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