My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
