i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
