i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
