I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
