I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
wow bdsm is so cute
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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