no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this boner is exhausting
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
