Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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