her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
