I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
