Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
