ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
