fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
