i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
