Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
