I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
