i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
