Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
