I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize