I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
