sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
God, I missed his penis.
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