i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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