Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
