I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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