Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
