Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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