got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
