He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
