Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
