god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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