she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dear god my vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
