just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
