with your own penis?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
