Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
