Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
