The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
