It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
