Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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