just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
