I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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