Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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