pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
