Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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