mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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