You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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