***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
