went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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